Hi everyone, I know it has been a while, but ya girl was writing her exams. I know you all wished me goodluck, and I felt it during all my papers. I am officially on summer vacation, and I have about two weeks to kill before my summer research officially begins. Seeing as I have all this free time, I hope to blog as much as possible before the work comes in full. I have been watching a lot of nigerian movies, reading a lot of stuff about nigeria, and experimenting with a lot of nigerian food.
With all this immersion into nigerian culture, I have realized something that irritates me. We as a culture like, infact LOVE to tell women what to do. If it is not, don’t wear that or men will look at you too much, it is learn how to be a good housewife so that your husband will not leave you. No matter what, we are very quick to give advice and solutions to women on what we should do, and how we should leave our lives. After watching Chimamanda’s ‘We should all be feminists‘, I have come up with a few ways in which we can leave a God-given fulfilled life without telling women what to do.
- Stop asking women what they did to deserve a beating- I just want to acknowledge that I am fully aware that women are not the only victims of domestic violence and abuse, but my writing today is geared towards women. In a movie I was watching, a woman came back to her parents’ house after accusing her husband of beating her. The first thing her mother said is ‘what did you do?’ WHAT!!! Is that how life is now? The mother now said that your husband has the right to beat you to correct you. Oshey, am I a child that they are beating to correct. I thought this marriage was a partnership, when did beating become part of the agreement. We really need to curb this attitude of telling women not to do something so as not to be hit, but not telling men not to hit women. STOP it.
- Stop telling women that they have to be wife material- It is not a term that I am completely comfortable with. Most people who use it do so with regards to being able to cook, clean, etc. I know people who can throwdown in the kitchen, and were still unable to keep their marriage, so it is not a proven skill needed. This whole wife material concept worked in the days when women used to sit at home and not work, but nowadays, if you cannot cook, be you man or woman, you will starve to death or go broke. So, watch yaself.
- Stop making it a big deal when a girl comes first and a boy comes second- I didn’t realize how heavy this thing we do in Nigeria is, until I came abroad. Like, both of us paid the same school fees, and I can bet you that my parents didn’t send me to school to be mediocre, so how come I don’t have as much of a right to do well as you do.Think about it. You pull serious all-nighters, work your ass off, and do exceedingly well only for you to overhear someone say, ‘how could you allow a girl to come first in your class?’ It is not good ooo *pulling my ear*
- Stop telling women that their ultimate goal in life is to be married- Nna mehn, this is the one that irks me the most. So I will finish primary school, finish secondary school, finish university, finish medical school(speaking/writing it into existence) and at the end of the day, the only certificate of completion society wants to see is a wedding ring. Marriage is a beautiful union, but it is not the end all and be all of everybody’s life.It isn’t something everybody aspires for, and as such should not be a social coin for acceptance.
These are just a few of my thoughts. I had so much fun writing this, and I have missed doing it. Sending good vibes and positive energy to all those who are writing exams. Wish you the best of luck. I also want to congratulate all my friends who graduated this past weekend. You have been an inspiration to me, and I wish you God’s blessings in all your future endeavors. Also, if y’all want to hear my opinion( if I have any on that particular topic) about different things, feel free to reach out to me and ask.
Galatians 3:28-There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.