Hello Ndi Nkem! How are y’all doing? Hope you are all caught up on my podcast “Lat’s talk about it” which I host with my sister. You can find new episodes here or on Spotify, Apple podcast, and Google podcast.
On to the matter of today. Have y’all heard of incels? These are people, often men, who believe that any woman they want should automatically want to date them. They feel that although they were “nice”, women have rejected them for lower class males. In essence, they are men who are entitled to women’s bodies on a delusional scale and can’t accept NO! Even though it is mainstream to reject incel ideology, I find that this same logic is being used against people in a different way.
What do I mean? If you scroll on tumbler, twitter and reddit, you might have come across a variation of this saying “It is transphobic not to want to date a trans person”. Personally, I find this absurd. Not only that, it aligns perfectly with incel logic.
Dating is inherently discriminatory. We remove people from our dating people for any and every reason. The same right I have to remove the “nice” incel from my dating pool, is also the same right I have to remove a trans person from my dating pool. I have a friend who is 5ft tall, but refuses to date men who are not at least 6ft. It makes no sense to me, but it doesn’t have to. She is well within her right to remove men shorter than 6ft from her dating pool. Now, this doesn’t mean 6ft+ men must accept her in their own dating pool. I have removed men from my dating pool because they don’t have a beard. Yes, if you don’t have a full beard you just won’t do it for me. I also know people who will remove you from their dating people because of your country of origin, or your tribe. I have friends who only date within their tribe. I also have friends who refuse to date within their tribe. I know people who are fine dating individuals with mental health issues, I also know people who will not. I know women who don’t care that a man is misogynistic, but I have removed certain men from my dating pool because they are misogynistic. Religion, race, nationality, ethnicity, etc are among many factors people take into consideration when choosing who to date.
My point is that who we choose to partner up with is a deeply personal thing, shaped by many many factors. If I chose not to date a poor man, am I brokeophobic? One person’s dating preference does not affect another person’s quality of life. As a result, who I chose to or chose not to date, is not a human right issue. The human right issue is when I am denied the ability to date whoever I want (think homophobia).
Someone not wanting to date you for whatever reason is not a -phobia, -ism, or an -ic. You don’t get a participation trophy for dating. This is real life. People choose their partners for many reason, and unfortunately, you didn’t make the cut. That’s not a big deal. Go where you are wanted and loved. Why would you even want someone to date you just so they can prove they aren’t a bigot? It makes no sense at all. I have had people not want to date me cause I talk too much. That is ok. I go to someone who is fine with my talking frequency.
When you fight for others to include you in their dating pool, it makes you seem desperate. Almost as if you aren’t getting anyone checking for you. And I know that isn’t true so why all the controversy? See ehn, people date and marry serial killers. Even the scum of the earth have partners, so I truly think there is someone for everyone who wants it. So stop harassing people who don’t want you and focus on those who do.
Kill Incel Ideology today!!!
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