Hello Ndi Nkem!! Hope everyone is doing well. If you aren’t, I hope better days are coming. If you are new here and don’t know, my sister and I host a weekly podcast. You can find our episodes here.

On to the matter of the day. So you have been dating this person for a while. You already built a future with them in your head: 2 kids, a dog and a house with a white picket fence. Now you are realizing that the said future is only going to be in your head. That perfect life you envisioned is going to shreds.

Well you are not alone. You are in company with most adults in the world, and just as they were able to get through it, so will you. I went through a really bad breakup at the start of 2020, and here are some tips of how I got over it

Cry

Yes, I know people will try to console you and tell you to stop crying, but crying is a good and healthy reaction. Give yourself time to cry and feel all the feels. Something happened in your life and it’s completely ok to acknowledge it. But don’t stay in this stage for too long. For me, the tears shouldn’t last more than a week

Eat some comfort food

My personal favorite is icecream. It’s comfort food for a reason and this is a good time to be comforted. Get some of your favorite food and indulge. You can even indulge while crying. But again, try not to go overboard if not it becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism

Talk or rant to someone

This is honestly the most important for me. After my breakup, I felt very stupid. How did I allow myself to go through xyz thing. I also felt ashamed and didn’t want to talk to any of my friends about it. I eventually opened up to one of my friends and it was so freeing. He just sat there and listened as I ranted for over an hour. I said all the good, bad and ugly things about the relationship and I felt like a valve had been released for me. It also helped me acknowledge all my feelings and honestly have a clearer headspace.

Do activities you love

Yes you have broken up with someone, but that’s not the end of your life. Find solace in those things that bring you joy. Whether it’s cooking, journaling, dancing, being outdoors, etc do those things that make you happy.

Don’t try to start dating immediately

This was something bad I did. I immediately started trying to talk to guys and honestly it backfired. I wasn’t ready and I also ended up loosing valuable friendships. Take time for yourself. Enjoy your own company. Understand why the previous relationship didn’t work. What lessons did you learn? What mistakes won’t you repeat? And then, you can start dating again.

You don’t have to throw everything away

Don’t feel like you need to get rid of everything from your ex immediately. My friends tried to make me get rid of a necklace he bought for me barely a week after breaking up and that was hard. I did later get rid of it but at my own pace. I think eventually certain things need to go. I ended up blocking my ex for reasons best known to me and that’s ok too. If it’s best to cut communication do that. I also threw away certain things I no longer needed as time went on and that’s ok.

Fake it and eventually you will make it

It’s not going to be easy in the beginning. Those memories are still fresh and everything will remind you of them. They may even try to get back into your life (remember why you broke up in the first place). Try to live your life. Try to push through. One day you will realize you haven’t thought about them for a day, then a week, then a month. And eventually they will just be a blip in your past. You’ve got this love and I’m rooting for you 😘😘