Struggle Love and Why Black Women need to reject that Nonsense.

Hello Ndi nkem! I’m here again with my wahala. I know you read the title and you are wondering what all this is about. Today, I am going to be frank with you. My message is especially for my Black women. There is something very bad you people are doing, and my spirit will not allow me sleep if I don’t tell you.

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I joined twitter recently, and for the first time, I was exposed to a group of women who could articulate a lot of the thoughts I was feeling. They are known as #divesttwitter. This is essentially a group of Black women who have decided to put themselves first. They will no longer mule for Black men or any other social justice causes. They will fight for themselves and will be the center of their own lives. I had finally found a home. But these women get a lot of hate for no good reason, and here is why

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Black women all over the world are taught to love everyone else except themselves. They will fight everybody else’s battles except their own. They will march for every other cause except theirs. But when it is our turn, nobody, not even black men will stand by our side. I have seen this happen from Nigeria down to America. It manifests in different ways, but it is still the same thing.

This is the honest truth! We will place everyone else before ourselves. Let us do better.

In Nigeria, women center their lives around the attention of men. Young girls will do everything to get married including sacrificing their own selves. When such unions become toxic and tragic, they will stay. Mothers coddle their sons and raise their daughters. Girls are raised with the expectation to serve everyone in the family. You serve your siblings, then your parents, then husband, then in-laws. You are always in a position of service. Who serves you??? Why don’t you like the finer things of life? Why do you believe that you don’t deserve better? Why are you not the number 1 priority in your own life????? I can never understand this.

We will no longer be doing emotional labor for everyone except ourselves.

African-American women are not spared either. As a doula working with low-income women, I saw certain patterns repeat themselves. Single mothers who were on government assistance and were trying to keep things together, repeatedly getting pregnant for absent men. It irked me!! I couldn’t do anything about it because they were stuck in a pattern. One of my clients was pregnant with her second child from her current boyfriend. She hated this man so much, yet she continued to stay in the relationship. He did not provide a dime for her or her child. In fact, she was the one financially supporting them from her disability check. When I asked her what was the worst part of being pregnant, she said, ‘having to wake up and remember that he was in her life.’ Seriously?? I asked her why she was still in the relationship, and she said it was because he was the only father figure her son had. This woman was ready to put her life and happiness on hold for someone who brought her so much sadness. And she is not the only one.

Do you see this rubbish?

Black women are constantly taught that someone else is more important in their own lives than them. Just recently, Kanye West was going through a mental health crisis and twitter users suggested that he needed the love of a Black woman. Ehn!!! What?? Why?? That makes no sense at all. This man has a whole wife. What has a black woman got to do with this? Why are we always called to save and fix broken men? We reject all manner of suffering that is targeted towards us. No one said he needed a Black woman when he was spending his cool hard cash, but now that he is down, we should come and be your champions. Helll Noooooo!!

My fellow Black ladies, please stop this nonsense. You are entitled to enjoyment. You are entitled to peace. You do not have to be anybody’s mule. You do not have to fight for anybody when you have not finished fighting for yourself. Everybody else in this world has selfish interests, why don’t you? Put yourself first. Your happiness is important. You are important. You are worthy of love that isn’t served with a side of struggle. You are worthy of enjoyment. I love you my ladies. Don’t forget to subscribe to my mailing list. Till next time, Bye!

My exact sentiments on this whole debacle

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Chinenye Ibekwe says:

    This is so true and frustrating! Black women, particularly Nigerian women will be celebrated as long as it involves giving, sacrificing and suffering for others.


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